


Rain Dance

by alex_kade



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Crack, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Humor, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Part of The Great Fic Migration, cracks me up, why do i write these guys so dumb?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 11:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25349875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_kade/pseuds/alex_kade
Summary: Things that Jensen and Cougar get up to when they're drunk: controlling the weather.Can be seen as slash if you want!
Kudos: 13





	Rain Dance

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fill: song prompt: Santana & Nickelback's "Into the Night"

Thunder boomed overhead followed by a flash of lightening. Undaunted by the raging storm that billowed outside the window, Clay thumbed over the page of the files he was going over, only pausing slightly when the door flew open and slammed against the wall.

"You're letting water in," he stated calmly without looking up from his readings.

"I know! Isn't it great?" Jensen chirped happily as he shuffled in and sidestepped just enough to allow Cougar to come in behind him. He shoved the door shut against the wind and rain, his smile only faltering when he turned to see his CO staring at him.

"Let me guess," Clay started, "more of your drunken shenanigans?"

"Are there any other kind?" Jake shot back with an innocent grin.

The Colonel looked at his men, one eyebrow arched as he took in their appearance. Both of them were wearing only their cargo pants, and they were covered in mud. Their feet and legs from the knees down were completely coated in the brown sludge as if they had been walking through it for miles, but their torsos and faces sported more precise designs. Though the rain had made the dirt run quite a bit, Clay could still see the evenly placed lines, handprints, and other roughly tribal-looking doodles smeared in mud along their upper bodies.

"Pooch!" he shouted without taking his eyes off the two filthy men. When Pooch appeared at the base of the stairs, a look of shock followed by amusement crossing his face, Clay ordered, "Get these two some towels and a bucket of water. I don't want them tracking mud through the whole house."

Laughing, Pooch nodded, "Yes, sir. Oh man, I can't wait to hear what you guys were up to last night."

"We made it rain!" Jensen announced as Pooch hurried back up the stairs to get the requested items. Cougar simply smiled and ducked his head, neither giving credit to nor denying his friend's outlandish statement.

Clay held up one hand. "Stop right there. I don't think I need to hear this story more than once. Wait for Pooch and Aisha to come down, then you can explain."

Jensen nodded and shuffled from foot to foot as he waited ever-so-impatiently for the two missing members of their team to appear. Cougar stood still, doing his best not to touch anything or lean back against the wall. All eyes turned when footsteps were heard on the stairway, Pooch carrying a large metal tub of water and Aisha following behind with the towels. Her mouth turned up in a smirk when she looked at the two mud monsters standing just inside the door.

"Told you," Pooch said.

"This should be good," she answered as she tossed the towels at Jensen and Cougar, then perched on the arm of the couch beside Clay.

Without hesitating, Jake dropped his dirt and water-logged pants to the floor revealing dancing banana boxers, stepped into the tub that was just barely wide enough to hold both his feet, and began scrubbing the filth off his body. Cougar glanced up at Aisha and merely wrapped a few towels around himself before taking a seat on the floor, waiting his turn until Jensen had finished.

"Okay, so you know how it's been so hot and dry?" Jake started. "I mean, we're on the verge of a real drought, here – or we were until Cougs and I made it rain."

"Yeah? How'd you do that?" Pooch asked, playing right along as he pulled the desk chair over to the middle of the room.

"We did a rain dance!" Jensen answered as he wiped the mud from his face, making his proud smile shine that much brighter.

Aisha looked at Clay. "They know how to do a rain dance?"

"Nope," Clay replied as he shook his head, a small grin playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Well apparently, we do," Jake argued. "This is how it works: First, you have to be really, _really,_ drunk. You can't do it sober. I know, I've tried." Cougar nodded as if he also had some experience with the topic in question.

"Any special elixir needed for a rain dance?" Pooch prompted.

"As a matter of fact, there is." Jensen grinned, Cougar made a disgusted face. "One part Tequila Rose, two parts Godiva Chocolate Liquor, and a splash of Amaretto mixed with a little Sprite. Oh, and enough Everclear to make your nose burn when you burp."

Pooch stared at the tech for a second before bursting into laughter. "That is like the pussiest drink I've ever heard of. You're telling me a strawberry chocolate shake-"

"-with Everclear," Jensen was quick to defend.

"With Everclear, okay, I'll give you that; but an alcoholic, chocolate strawberry, girly ass drink makes it rain?"

Jake stood up straight and pointed at the rain pouring down the glass on the window. "It worked, didn't it?"

Pooch turned to Cougar, who was still scrunching up his nose. "He got you to drink that shit?"

"We were already drunk," the sniper explained curtly.

"Aw, you loved it," Jensen said in dismissal. "He said it tasted way better than the 151 we were drinking before that. Anyway, so yeah, there we were at the bar when we decided we needed to make it rain."

" _You_ decided," Cougar pitched in.

Jake nodded. "Yes I did, but you went along with it so don't try to give me all the credit." He looked at the others and pointed back at the sniper, shaking his head. "Can you believe this guy? Always selling himself short, but we can thank him later. So we decided to make it rain, and I ordered up the drinks – you should've seen the bartender's face. You'd think no one ever ordered a mixed drink before." He pointed to Aisha who had just started opening her mouth. "Don't say anything, I know. He'd just never heard of such an _awesome_ drink before. He'll thank me later when it's the best seller on his menu."

She turned and shared a look of amused disbelief with Clay, who shook his head in return. Jensen was clearly too far gone in his own little special world of denial and chocolate chip cookies to be argued with at that point.

"I don't how many drinks we had," the tech continued, "but when we were _just_ about to cross that line of forgetting why we were getting drunk in the first place, we set out to perform the ritual. Things get a little hazy after that, but I know we wound up down at the creek about a mile south of here."

"What happened to the rest of your clothes?" Pooch asked.

"You can't be all formally dressed if you're doing a rain dance," Jensen scoffed.

"I know that, but where are your clothes _now_?" Pooch tried again.

Jensen turned back to look at Cougar, who could only shrug. "Okay, we don't know. We obviously lost them somewhere along the way. It's not important, we can buy more. What's important is that we performed the ritual correctly. See, we got down into the creek and painted ourselves with the right marks-"

"What tribe?" Aisha asked. "Where'd you pull the symbols from?"

"From…that movie…You know the one, with the rain dance?" He waved his hand at her. "Also not important. We had the markings, we were in the water, and we started chanting to the rain gods to shower us with their blessings and everything."

"What'd you chant?" Clay questioned, not one to be left out of the fun.

"It's a…native song…" Jake murmured, suddenly very focused on his scrubbing.

"How's it go?" Pooch pushed.

Jensen sighed, realizing he was caught. Closing his eyes, he began to slowly chant out, "Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay…"

"Wait, wait, wait." Pooch held up his hand, stopping the tech. "Please tell me I heard that wrong." He looked at Aisha and Clay, who looked at him quizzically. "Jay, sing that again, just louder, and faster."

Jensen nodded and stood up straight again, accepting his fate. Sucking in a deep breath, he sang it again. "Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay."

Clay started laughing at that, recognizing the tune. "You sang Nickleback at the rain gods?"

Jensen straightened his posture even more. "Yeah, yeah we did. And you know what? They liked it! It's raining, isn't it? Maybe they wanted something a little less conventional. Right, Cougs? He sang the Santana parts."

Cougar ducked his head even further, a flush spreading across his face.

"He _sang_ the Santana parts?" Aisha asked. "I thought Santana just played guitar."

"He does! And Cougs was all 'biddi-da-biddi-bow bow wow!'" He mimicked playing air guitar while he said this. "Only he was a lot better, and he did the drums, too. He was doing this thing where he was slapping his hands on the water, popping out the beat and splashing it everywhere at the same time. Someone should put that in a music video."

"Maybe we'll just record it next time," Pooch offered.

Cougar's head snapped up. "Next time?"

Jensen dropped his towel on the ground and stepped out onto it, grabbing another one from the pile to wrap around his waist. "Yeah, now that we know it works we'll have to do it again. How many droughts have we been stuck in?"

The look of horror that crossed the sniper's face had everyone chuckling. Jensen, seemingly oblivious to his friend's dismay, grabbed one end of the bucket while Pooch moved forward to grab the other. The tech chattered on, actually making real plans for the next rain dance that would involve all of them as the two moved towards the bathroom to refresh the clean water supply for Cougar.

Aisha stood up to leave the room, knowing the sniper was a little more shy about undressing in front of her. She paused at the bottom step and looked back at him. "You ever gonna learn not to let yourself get drunk with him without any backup?"

Cougar shrugged one shoulder as he quirked a smile up at her. "You always say dangerous is more fun."

She threw her head back and laughed. "Touche," she said with a nod and disappeared up the stairs.

Clay picked up his folder again. "Next time you decide to have a little fun, call before you decide to go missing for fourteen hours." He waited for Cougar's nod before going back to his reading, humming the Nickleback song, much to the sniper's dismay.

_**The End!** _


End file.
